Entry 2

Welcome to entry number 2 of my public diary

Deep breath,deeper breaths and here goes
Dear diary,
Most people might not consider some of the issues I want to talk on much of a problem but for me it is. These are problems I hope to overcome sooner rather than later.
Why am I so shy?
Why do I find it difficult to hold conversations with people I meet?
Why am I able to hold such intelligent conversations in my head but when it comes to reality I stutter and make a fool of my self?
Why am I such a fantastic dancer in private but when i go to a party with family and friends I absolutely refuse to dance?
Why cant I take a compliment?

Am I being hard on myself? or Do other people feel this way too?
Man the friends I would have if I wasn't so bad at wanting to talk to people or forming friendships.


Now most of you reading this blog are wondering, Well maybe you are just an introvert and maybe I am, actually i'm quite positive I am, but here's the thing diary being an introvert hasn't gotten me really far, there are opportunities that I have missed because of my introvercy(Is this a word? lol) Internships and the likes and I want to change that. Like I said  I want to be successful and have a business and guess how many business owners have any of the above characteristics. That's right not a lot of them. Guess how many business owners miss opportunities? That's right, zilch.

For a long time I used being an introvert as an excuse and now I am saying no more/
So what are the actions you plan on taking to better yourself?

Try to be more engaging with people especially at networking events
Easier said that done. If there is anything I avoid doing, it would be talking to strangers no matter where I am. I might go for a networking event and not network, completely defeating the purpose of me being there. This is not going to happen in one minute or a day obviously. I have to work my way up, start small. One of the first steps would be to engage people in friendly conversations. Once I become comfortable conversing with people then I can move on to bigger things like interviews and networking events.
Another step would be to try and work on my social anxiety. Let me just say having social anxiety is no joking matter, there are days I do not want to leave my room, there are days that I do not open my blinds, I have gone weeks without communicating with people. I once moved out of my on-campus housing simply because I was scared of talking to the people who lived there. Like I said no joke, I have no Idea when I started to become socially anxious but I do know one thing for sure, it has made me miserable. Thankfully things got better, What did I do? I opened those damn blinds, I left my room, went down to the common area of my apartment complex and I interacted with people i did not know, of course I had a close friend around as a security blanket but I made sure not to hover around her.It was a truly horrifying experience but man did I prevail. I will work on doing this more, expanding to college funded activities for students and by Jove I will become a good conversationalist. I do still have a lot to work on, my advice on this matter will be to take one step at a time, don't rush it and as long as you remain focused on what you want to achieve, you will.

Holding conversations in my head but not in real life.
I am a very opinionated person, I keep up with world news, pop culture, I have read more than my fair share of books( I have a personal Library) and I am probably the only one of my friends that likes the newspaper although I don't get it much here in the USA. Doing all of these have made me really conscious about a lot of things, they have allowed me to form opinions and share them with only one person, her name is Debra, and she is my brain. Yeah I named my brain, let's just pretend that that is not weird lol.
My problem here is that when the opportunity comes to engage in discussions with people about this issues, I rarely ever take them or speak up. What to do, What to do?
Nobody is going to eat you for speaking your mind or opinions, won't they though? I have thought long about this one diary. I am not a confrontational person, When I talk to people I want a discussion and not an argument but a lot of people today just want to argue especially when you have different views from them and I tend to just not want any parts of that so I keep quiet even when I badly want to say something.
So what's the solution here?
Should I get a louder voice, be more aggressive or is it assertive? This is where a good conversation skill would come in handy. Find a way to steer the other person from argument to discussion. I know easier said that done right. Maybe I should make myself be heard. I too have good stuff to contribute.

Diary this is all I have today.

Hey guys. I would really love to hear what you advise on the last one. Till my next post then.